Assalamu Alaikum,
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A young, unmarried Muslim girl approached a Shaykh to ask him for advice. The Shaykh was a mature man, used to being approached by many young Muslims for advice, more so because his manner was gentle, and he never imposed his opinions on anyone. This particular girl came to him asking for advice on a matter that had been bothering her for many months. She was going around with a non-Muslim boy, and was wondering if she was taking the right decision in getting married to him.
This was something new for the Shaykh, and he pondered over her question for a while, not knowing how to reply to it. It was not a simple yes or no binary answer because the girl was obviously in love with this non-Muslim boy and was keen to get married with him and start a family. The Shaykh pondered over this and finally he had an answer.
"Well," the Shaykh started by asking the young girl, "do you really love this boy?" "Yes," she replied.
To this the Shaykh said, "I could have made the answer a very simple matter by presenting you with a counter-question, asking you if you love Allah and His Messenger (SAWS), and I know what your answer will be even before you opened your mouth: it will definitely be a loud yes! The very fact that this question has been bothering your conscience shows that your Imaan is pricking you with regards to this matter, and that's a good sign. By answering your query in this way, however, I would only create further problems for you because you would then be left to grapple with this moral conundrum on your own, and knowing young people, generally speaking they are high on the romantic love hormone, and low and weak on the religious aspect of these things. I will therefore not make you a greater sinner by asking you such a question. Rather let me ask you questions of another nature.
"First, are you ready to give up Islam for him?"
She replied, "No, he has said that I can remain a Muslim after marriage and he will keep his religion." To this, the Shaykh replied, "I have an answer for this which I will come to later."
The Shaykh then continued, "I don't want to ask you questions related to Deen and Imaan because, as I said earlier, that will be putting you in a greater moral quandary. Rather, I am going to ask you questions that relate to the husband-wife relationship and other matters related to the social side of things.
"My first question to you, therefore, is: are you willing to serve alcohol on a tray to him and his friends?
Coming from a Muslim family, I don't think you are even aware how filthy alcohol really smells. And because alcohol is intoxicating, are you ready to handle him when he is drunk and out of control? Drinking loosens morals, so are you ready to tolerate his friends' filthy gazes directed at you during their drinking sessions? And wait, I am not done yet. Are you ready to wash and clean your bed after his drinking spree, when he vomits all that filth that he has drunk right there in bed? If you are ok with all that, then I would advise you to go ahead.
"The next thing is tahaaraah. All Muslims are particular about the hygiene practices required of them on a daily basis. For example, we wash ourselves five times a day, and we are careful about cleaning ourselves each time we visit the restroom. A husband and wife's relationship is intimate, and private parts smelling of urine are detestable. Are you willing to put up with that?
"And I have not even come to your children yet. When you have children, which faith will they follow? Will it be Islam? Or his religion? Remember, children are always on the deen of their father. And even if you manage to keep your religion, would you like it if your children, who are your own flesh and blood, follow a religion other than that of Mohammad (SAWS)? Are you ready to see your children in the Fire on the Day of Reckoning?"
The Shaykh then added, "The Day of Reckoning, however, is in the Next Life. In this worldly life too, would you be happy if your sons remain uncircumcised? Circumcision is the process of removing the foreskin on the male organ, and it keeps that body part clean and odor-free at all times, because of which a lot of hygiene issues are prevented for both the man and his wife. Circumcision is most definitely a hygiene issue.
"I will not even ask you if you will give up Islam, because it is a given that a few years after marriage, a girl will eventually and gradually give up her religion for that of her husband. This is a general observation. The problems I have cited above are all worldly problems, but this is by far the greatest problem: are you willing to give up your Aakhirah by giving up Islam, or at the very least, severely compromising your Imaan because as the daughter-in-law of the family, you will be expected to participate equally in all their festivals, which also includes the worship of idols. Are you willing to do that?
"Next, are you willing to give up on your modesty? No, I am not talking of just clothes here. Islam is particular about being proper at all times; are you willing to give up on your modesty, especially during social events and festivals when men and women get together to frolic with each other, many times even overstepping all bounds of decency? Men will have their hands all over your body during certain festivals. Will you like that? Filthy jokes in social gatherings are also ok since there is no concept of haya.
"He has promised you that he will allow you to retain your religion. But this promise does not extend to your children. Would you like it when your children prostrated to idols? Answering Allah for this is something that you will do in the Aakhiraah. The immediate question is, would it hurt you to see your own flesh and blood children who have come out of you giving up the Religion of Allah and Mohammad (SAWS)?
"Remember that the notion of romantic love is incredibly heady at the beginning. But after this wears off in a few months time, would you be able to love this man who does not share your love for Allah and His Messenger (SAWS)? Remember, no matter what anybody says, religion _is_ the single most important part of one's existence and intimate relationship, because we are humans, not animals, and we have a spiritual need inside us. People who say it is unimportant for them will still not give up on their religion. For example, ask someone who says that religion is unimportant to eat something that is not allowed in their religion? Will they do that? People who say so have their own agenda.
The girl replied, "But he is willing to give up everything for me."
"Are you sure? Remember many of them have a pernicious agenda to snare innocent Muslims girls, and "conquering" a Muslim girl is like a trophy for them, and it is often that young Muslim girls who have been brought up in protected environments are easy and innocent targets of their false promises. He will say, and in fact he has already said, that you can keep your religion and he will keep his. Once you are both married, and now that he has you in his control and you have also burned all bridges behind you, and then when you start to see his true colors, will you not curse yourself the rest of your life for your gullibility?
"Will you like it when he or his friends make fun of your Deen, and you can do nothing but look helplessly on and regret your decision? And quite possibly the doors of your father's house will not be open to you after that. And even if they were, which virtuous Muslim boy would want to marry you? Remember what the Qur'an says: impure women are for impure men and impure men are for impure women; and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity [HQ 24:26]. If you still want to marry a polytheist, bear in mind this verse of the Qur'an so that you walk into it knowing the consequences. But remember that after this, your Imaan will not bother you as much because you will already have taken the first step in killing it.
"One final thing I would like to ask you is, if he is not willing to give up his religion for you, and he loves his false religion more than he loves you, being a follower of the One True Religion, how could your love for your Religion have become so weak?"
And so the conversation ended, and the girl went home to consider what the Shaykh had told her.
The Shaykh later came to know that the girl had made the sensible decision to break all contact with this non-Muslim boy, and to speak directly with her father asking him to find a suitable Muslim boy for her. Alhamdulillah.
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